Ang taong nag tatago ay nag hihintay lang para sa taong mag hahanap sa kanya.

Monday. 2:30 am. In a few hours         I need to be up for work. But you keep me up. You kept me up. You, my beautiful mistake, will be my reason for another zombie-like work week.

Thinker vs. Feeler. I remember a seminar jargon — wave your brain goodbye.  A few years back, I made a mistake. And instead of over analyzing the situation, I was asked to feel. How did I feel, what can I do to change the situation, if I cannot do anything, change how I felt about the situation.

In a nutshell, I can feel crappy, but that really is upto me. That is my choice.

I’m jumping — but I have point (I think, pls bear with me).

I was saying I made a mistake and now I spent all night thinking about it. Thinking. Not feeling. A friend asked how I felt. And I honestly did not know what to say. How “dead” is that? So instead I stayed up. Thinking, not about the fix I’m in, but how come I’ve stopped feeling.

Its almost 9am and after resting a bit, my answer to myself is… you. You gave me reasons not to feel. In a roundabout, I stopped feeling because of you.

My post doesnt make sense. Thats what you get for thinking all night and finishing up while still groggy.

Ugh!

I love myself too much to allow others to treat me like shit.

I ran in the oval last night and I hope that this officially starts my training for my 10k run in December. I didnt time myself though. Next time i will.

When I got home, my housemates asked me how far I ran. I said 6 laps. They were genuinely surprised saying they wouldnt last as long. I told them that was only 2.5 km, barely what i needed to accomplish. Awws and aahhs. My teammates in dragonboat would not be as impressed, though, but a nice feeling nonetheless.

———-

It’s like playing musical chairs. I moved yet again, but not offices. Just my seat. It’s my nth so I really have no feeling of ownership anymore. The funny thing is, I would have loved this seat a year and a half back, and hated it a year back. I’d say this is my version of reassuring myself that Ive healed, because now I can sit anywhere and still be okay.

———-

Achieving balance is my mantra this week. So far so good. Let’s see, I am thinking how to fuel just 1 more side and I should be very much ok. Life is good.

I dont know what makes you tick, what makes you hurt, what pleases or excites you. I dont know you, aside from the superficial. So if Ive hurt you, Im sorry. I apologize for me being me. And hopefully you will forgive me. Kse gusto na kita makilala. Para mangyari yun, you have to let me in.

Pasensya talaga.

If I’ve given up on you, does it mean it was never love to begin with?

I realized that there are people who never ceases to amaze me; and at the same time, there are those who continue to dismay me.

The challenge is to know the difference.

One weekend a guy friend and I were in the mall, when a Singaporean Chinese girl walked in front of us. He laughed when he realized we were both checking her out. I told him I was admiring her legs, wishing they were mine. He was kind enough to tell me, konti lang lamang nya.

(Flattered syempre, kaso may dagdag…)

Paputiin, pahabain at pakinisin mo lang legs mo parang ganun na din!

*face-palm!*

I moved house (if you havent heard). And with the moves comes the advances, deposits, agents fees and other moving expenses. That was the start of the month. Now Im quite close to broke. Well, ok not broke. But im budgeting big time just not to mess up my financial plans. Yup i have one.

Anyway, it is no wonder that im looking forward to ka-ching day. Which is coming very close. I hope this sacrifice is worth it, and that this is a temporary setback to financial blessings that will come.

Abundance is the key.

In the middle of a stressful day, all you need to do, is take a deep breath. Inhale positive energy, exhale all the stress, negativity and worries. Inhale goodness and peace, exhale all anxieties.

Breathe, relax. Stay grounded.